i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
