I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
well you can't waste a boner
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
