I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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