I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
