she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
