i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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