Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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