im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
