I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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