I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You are a genius and a whore.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
