Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't turn off my feet"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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