Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
