Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize