First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
