i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
