is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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