Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
birth control should be required to get into college
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
