Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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