Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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