yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
