Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
