I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
