it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Your cock deserves a montage
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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