I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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