Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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