is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
