I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
