i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize