btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
