literally had 100 drinks last night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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