What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
