Kiss
Puke
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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