im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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