I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
