It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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