I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize