K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
