I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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