I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
