we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
