You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize