One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
