I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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