ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
