you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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