Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize