terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
