I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
