just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
