yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
