if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
