I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
