oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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