i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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