You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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