i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
