Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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