is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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