I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
