Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We left the knife in your bed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
