3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
