mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
