This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have tasted many bathrooms
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
