I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
